The Aftershocks

Wednesday will mark the one month anniversary since I've returned from Tumaini. Forgive me if I've already shared this information, but while I was there, I was informed that the small boy, Isaac, that captured my heart last year, had run away from Tumaini. It had been 5 months that he had been gone.

I was so upset that everyone acted like it was no big deal. Mum and Paul, the manager, seemed like there was nothing they could do and really didn't want to talk about it. They focused their time on the children that remained at the home. I on the other hand, didn't understand why they hadn't gone to get him, why they'd let a boy, 14 years old (but looked like he was 10) live on the streets by himself, that they would let this child of God be disposable like so many other children are in Africa. I was more than bothered by it and found myself crying and trying to take matters into my own hands. Here is the journal entry from that night:

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What a wonderful surprise! James came back today. He walked into Mum’s house about dinner time. He came in with his sweater on and his hood on his head. After looking at him for about 3 seconds, I jumped up and gave him a huge hug. He said that he had missed me so much. It was so good to see him. We only have 2 ½ days left here and we are going to make the most of it!

He says tomorrow we are going to share stories with one another. I’ve missed him so much. I asked about Isaac and he told me that he wants money and didn’t want to go to school- that’s why he’s still on the streets. David Kariuki told me that he wished to take me to the streets to see Isaac because he talked a lot about me. I don’t know how I’d be able to handle that. It breaks my heart just to think about the condition he might be in. Then, selfishly, what if when I walk up, he doesn’t recognize me because he is high? I wrote to David and told him that I wished to go look for Isaac if he is willing to take me. I’ll pray about it and let God lead me. Until then, I pray that he is safe and realizes that he has a very good life at Tumaini and comes back.

As much as I wanted to go back to the streets, I wasn't sure that I was called to do so. After some thought about how it would effect me, and Isaac, I sent this email to David:

I hope you are safely traveling back to Nairobi and that this note finds you doing well when you read it. I have been thinking about the comment you made about taking me to the streets to see Isaac. I would love that very much if you are willing to help me look for him. We fly back to the US on Dec 24th and our flight does not leave until 11:30pm, so I was thinking that if we get into Nairobi early enough, Kennedy can take us to meet you somewhere and we can look for him until it's time to go to the airport? Let me know your thoughts. I know it's Christmas Eve and if you'd rather spend it with your family, I can certainly understand that. I just miss him very much and think about him very often!

But it wasn't mean to be. David was spending time with his family and was not able to take us to find him. I've been in touch with a former employee of Heart for Africa through her blog and I think you should take a look at it here.

She and her husband Steve, have made it their mission to go out into the unsafe streets of Nairobi and rescue not just Isaac, but both Joseph's that ran from the home 3 weeks ago. God bless them!

The life these boys knew before being taken to Tumaini consisted of huffing glue to stay warm, make them forget they were hungry, and it was cheaper for them to buy. They knew stealing, beatings, running from law, and being a family for safety. You would think that being at a home where they are fed, clothed, bathed, and taught would be perfect for them. But ever since David Kariuki, once a street boy himself, left the home, these boys feel they have no one to turn to, no one to help them cope, no one to help them understand. My heart breaks for these children.

The Night Before

Well, here it is finally. The night before our departure to Kenya, we {my dad and I} are headed back to Tumaini Children's Home. As you might imagine, I'm experiencing every emotion possible. Let's start with the panic I experienced this morning.

I've been in contact with Bishop David, the man in charge of Glory Outreach Assembly, since June when I first booked the tickets. Through our communications, we decided that he or his son would pick us up from the airport, take us to their house where we would spend the night, head to the market for some shopping the next morning and then make our way to Tumaini. That was the plan, short and sweet (was is key word there). About 2am, I started tossing and turning and wasn't sure why. Finally after getting out of bed, I realize that Bishop David had sent me an email. The time stamp on it was 2:15am.

Jordan,

My son Timothy have had to travel North Western Kenya to train young leaders who we call History Makers. The need for training there has been overwhelming so he was forced to extend his stay. I'm extremly exhaused after a series of trainings and minisrty opportunities that I have had in the last several weeks. If I regain my strength, I would still pick you up at the airport. If I continue feelng as weak as I'm now I may not be able to. So I have asked Pauline to be the back up plan. If I'm unable to come, Pauline will send you a driver by the name Hanniel Njeru. He will bring you to my house for accomodation. In the morning of Dec.17th, I know you would like to do shopping as you had indicated, before heading out to Tumaini. I'm extending an invitation to you if you would like to join us to Ruiru maximum prison where we will be sharing the Gospel, food and Christmas gifts with 450 prison inmates . If you joined us for this prison ministry, then you would leave for Tumaini after shopping and prison ministry to get there in the evening. If you choose to keep your original plans, then we shall leave our house together in the morning as we go for prison ministry and you go for shopping.

A question for you. If we had our friends in Atlanta sending you to bring Christmas gifts for the prison ministry, would you have room to bring them with you? What the prisoners needs are things like washing soap, tooth brushes, tooth pastes, tissue papers, coca colas and bread.

Regards,
Bishop David

So....as you can see, the plans have completely changed and that's why I was tossing and turning. If we didn't want to go to the prison, he offered, we would be dropped off in the market to shop by ourselves, just me and my dad...as white as can be. Mzungu's as they call us.

I scrambled. I didn't know what to do. I do not feel comfortable in a prison here in the US, much less in a foreign country. I sure as heck don't feel comfortable shopping in a market by ourselves. After 2 calls to Kenya and a short stint of panic to find a hotel, we thanked Bishop David for his help and services, but have changed our plans. Well, changed them back to the original plan.

As I sit here on my couch, with the air conditioner on {imagine that in the middle of December} I'm thinking about how excited I am to see the children. How antsy I am to hurry up and get there. How nervous I am because it's just my dad and I and I planned this all on my own. How much anxiety I have, because as I type this, we do not "officially" have a place to stay our first night in Nairobi. And I'm sad. I'm sad because I know leaving this time around will be even harder than it was the first time. Sometimes, I find myself letting that sadness set in and overtake the happiness that I'm supposed to feel first.

I don't know how I'll react when it comes time to come home. I know there will be tears, there will be smiles, there will be runny noses, and I definitely will leave even more of my heart there than I did the first time. I'm not going back to get the piece I left there, I'm going to give more of my heart to the children of Tumaini. I feel like they are my children.

By the Numbers...

To date we have:

7 generous, helping, god-fearing people who've helped us raise

$560 in the fundraising account,

4 small children working on decorating

91 gift bags,

23 pairs of funky colored socks that'll fit in perfectly in Africa,

40 paint by number booklets,

100 colors of faith necklaces ordered for a bible study,

3 spools of yarn to make "God's Eye's,"

40 wooden model tractor kits,

4 weeks left in our church "Sock Drive" project,

7 days until I see Carla in Tampa and stand in awe of the amount of work she's done to help us,

7.5 weeks until we are on our way to share your gifts with these children!

I cannot wait!

Being Blessed

You hear people many times use the word "blessed" to describe themselves. I have even heard people use it in response to, "how are you?" I don't think I've ever used the word to describe myself or as a response, but I'm here to tell you today that I am MORE THAN BLESSED!


I've never done a fundraiser before, and to tell you the truth, I was hesitant about asking people for money. I find that ironic because I ask for the order in my everyday job, more than once a day. But this is different. I thought up the idea of the Tumaini Children's Home Christmas Project in order to raise funds to purchase socks for the 91 children in Kinagop, Kenya. I had no idea how successful we'd be, but thought we'd end up with more than what we started with which was $0.

I'm am extremely blessed and humbled to know that I surround myself with some of the most giving, selfless, God fearing people on this planet. My friends have given of themselves in more ways than I could imagine. I am beyond blessed! Thank you to those of you who have donated to us so far! I am excited to share my experiences with you!

Just Some Sentences

It's Wednesday and I did not go to work today. Why you might be wondering? Well, it's because of a couple of reasons...

I have a squirrel friend in my attic. Well he's not really a friend, he's very unwelcome in there. When I got back from traveling I had a lovely hand written note from my neighbors telling me that they've watched him...or her...sneak in and out of the attic all week long. So, since I'm a gal who lives by herself, and is very self sufficient/independent, I'm going to make the trek to Tractor's Supply to buy some hole patcher-upper. That pesky guy...or gal... has got to go.

I have an appointment with Dr. Bain, the ENT that I'm convinced I keep in business. If you have sinus problems, he's the man to see, but I'm getting tired of all of the "procedures" that have to be done to my poor sinuses. I'm sure I've had more things poked in my nose, than most people have had poked in their body over a lifetime. Today's "procedure" is no small task- he has scheduled 2 hours with me. We'll see if I can breathe out of my left nostril once he's done.

That leads me to my next thought. I've got a high tolerance for pain and when I'm in the middle of a procedure, I always go to my "happy place." But I always get anxiety thinking about the amount of pain that he's going to put me through and that's what drives me crazy. Here's to hoping that this goes smoothly with the least amount of pain possible....yea right!

I get to have lunch with Mrs. Tanya Flieller Bean today, yay! She's been my best friend forever and even though we don't talk every single day...or week, we still can pick right up like it was just yesterday. My dad calls her his other daughter. I love that woman to pieces and we'll be dining here at 11:30!

Now for the real reason why I did not go to work today. I'm sure you read this post and after my appointment with Dr. Bain, I'll be making the 5 hour drive up to Granbury for his memorial services. I don't know how to feel at this point. I'm actually fighting with the emotional cycle that I've experienced. Part of me is relieved and peaceful about his passing because I know that he is no longer suffering and that those who were around everyday until the end are no longer suffering. But on the flip side, I'm angry, saddened, confused, and hurt that a 25 year old man with a beautiful wife and daughter could be taken from us at such an early age. I guess God truly only takes the best. I don't know how well I'll be able to hold up for the next 2 days. If you find yourself thinking about me or my family, please say a prayer for us.

That is all I've got for now. Time to run to Tractor Supply.

Prayers for the day

As the saying goes, "When it rains, it pours." Well actually, I pray today that it would rain. Or pour. But that's not what this entry is about.

Please forgive me and bare with me because I have a heavy heart today and have found myself constantly praying for my cousin Tyler and Aunt Pat.

Tyler, 26 years old, has been put into a medically induced coma so that his body will relax and try to heal. He was born with only one immune system and as an infant, contracted Hepatitis C through a contaminated needle. In 2001, we got the news we were waiting for with his first liver transplant, but time and the disease has done it's damage on this life giving present. He now finds himself in need of not just a liver transplant but also kidneys. I pray for his continued strength to fight through this terrible disease. I pray for his wife Kristen, that she finds strength and leans on family when she needs them most. I pray for Jaydin, that she has a relationship with her father for many, many years to come.

I pray for the quick healing of Aunt Pat. After several days of severe stomach pains, doctors told her that she has ovarian cancer. Today, she underwent a full hysterectomy and exploratory surgery to make sure the cancer did not spread to other organs. I pray that she recovers fully and that the cancer has not done more damage.

Family means the world to me and I pray Heavenly Father that you continue to watch over my loved ones. Keep them safe, guide them, protect them, and hold them close in this time of heartache.

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do no keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

Matthew 6:5-8

Real Life Emotions

nervous- unnaturally or acutely uneasy or apprehensive; to become nervous under stress.

stress- a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism.

fear- a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined, the feeling or condition of being afraid

pain- physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.

What do all of these words have in common other than they are all Real Life Emotions?

It's everything that I'm experiencing inside.

Today, I blocked out April 11th in my date book, and the 3 weeks that follow April 11th. April 11th will be surgery day, and the 3 weeks that follow will be the recovery time.

I will be having major surgery on my tailbone. It's something that I knew was going to have to be done, but I avoided it. Ignored it. Wished it away. Today, none of that was happening.

I find myself in an all too unfamiliar situation. I'm not good with surgery; I can comfort others going through it, but I'M NOT GOOD.

I'm nervous, scared, and stressed.